Homesickness

Moving sucks. Plain and simple. Having to pack up your current home and sifting through your belongs is no fun task. You also have to come face to face with all the crap that you've promised yourself that you'll "take care of later". Now that all occurs when you have to move down the road from your current location, so imagine having to pack up and move to a different state. Packing up our stuff, making all the school, living, and job arraignments from CA wasn't easy, but we did it and we made it in one piece. One aspect of this move that I haven't been able to totally shake has been the homesickness. I spent the first 26 years of my life in California. It was where I was born, and raised. Even though in my heart I knew I didn't want to raise my family there, it still didn't prepare me for the overwhelming sadness that hit.

Our life in California didn't suck. I mean, it wasn't perfect, but we weren't in a state of complete chaos. We weren't always searching for work, or having to jump from place to place. We lived in the same little house for 6 years and both Mike and I held our jobs for more then 5 years. We had a great group of friends and a really active social life. I say all this because I don't like it when people assume that we HAD to leave because our life was just SO terrible. It really wasn't. We were doing fine, and that is the problem. I didn't want to do just FINE, I wanted more then that. I felt we deserved more then that, especially considering how hard we both worked. Sure we could have stayed in the same little neighborhood, stayed at the same jobs, and done our best to get our kids through the failing school system, but what kind of life would that have given us? A life full of stress and missed opportunities. I believe that kind of life would have eventually taken a toll on Mike and I as individuals which would have eventually taken a toll on our marriage. The decision to leave wasn't leave easy, but in our hearts we knew it was right. 

So fast forward and here I am, homesick once again. Even after being here for almost 2 years, it still hits. It doesn't hit as often as it used to. Those first 6 months were the hardest. There were nights after the kids went to bed when I would just lay in bed and cry and Mike would do his best to comfort me. I miss the little things. I miss knowing where everything is and being able to get from point A to point B without unwanted detours. I miss the impromptu BBQ's with the friends. I miss the weather. I miss being able to just to go to my dads (only a 3 hour drive) on the weekends we didn't have anything else planned. I miss familiarity. Everything out here is still new. 

I want to make it clear that I love our life here. Moving here has done wonders to our family. My oldest is thriving in school. Mike has fallen in love with our new surroundings to the point where he regrets not moving sooner. Our youngest is so excited to be starting kindergarten, and I am finally at a job where the stress isn't crippling and I finally feel like I can thrive. We are a much more active family. We get out more and the quality of time we spend together has increased tremendously. I no longer feel the stress of trying to make it in Southern California. Mike no longer has a terrible work schedule and is home every weekend. We've done so well here, it motivated my family to follow us out here and our support system out here has grown. It's been a fantastic journey moving here and I do agree with Mike that we should have moved sooner.

Despite all the good this has done, I don't understand the homesickness. I don't know when this will stop. Maybe it never will. Maybe being homesick every now and again will become a part of my everyday life. It has become easier to cope with. It's nothing compared to the sadness that would hit in the beginning. I know this feeling will pass after a day or two, and I won't experience it again for a couple months. So until it passes, I'll just go home and remind myself that this is and has been for the better. I'm here in Texas now, but California still does hold a piece of my heart.

Keeping it seperate

I just started blogging late last year about the experiences of being a parent and raising two boys in TX even though we are from CA. There have times I've wanted to blog about current events, issues I'm facing as an adult but it didn't feel appropriate. I wanted to keep that focused on the boys, and our lives as a family. This one is for me. This is going to be my place to vent about things that upset me, to problem vomit, and to also share things I've learned about myself and my life along the way. 

So here is a more detailed run down of my life. I was raised by a single father in Southern California with 2 brothers and 2 sisters. My parents divorced when I was little. I have no memory of them ever being together or ever even liking each other. I did spend a year or two as a preschooler with my mom in Northern California, but by 1st grade I was with my dad for good. I met my now husband when I was still in high school and it was quite the scandal since he was older. My family was very accepting of our relationship while his was not. After I graduated we moved in together and lived together for over a year when I discovered I was pregnant. I had our first son in 2005 and in 2006 we decided we should get married. We had already been living as a married couple up until then and we knew we were going to be a family, so why not legalize it? We married in 2006 and in 2008 welcomed our second son. California was never the place I wanted to raise my family. I had talked about the leaving the state for many years, but my husband was never really warm to the idea. Once our oldest started kindergarten and we got a taste of the crumbling California public school decided, the hubby finally saw the light and in 2011 we packed up and moved to Round Rock, TX. 

So here I am. I'm only in my late twenties and have so much more life to live. I've been blessed with a loving and supportive husband and two amazing kids. Life has been pretty good so far.