Homesickness

Moving sucks. Plain and simple. Having to pack up your current home and sifting through your belongs is no fun task. You also have to come face to face with all the crap that you've promised yourself that you'll "take care of later". Now that all occurs when you have to move down the road from your current location, so imagine having to pack up and move to a different state. Packing up our stuff, making all the school, living, and job arraignments from CA wasn't easy, but we did it and we made it in one piece. One aspect of this move that I haven't been able to totally shake has been the homesickness. I spent the first 26 years of my life in California. It was where I was born, and raised. Even though in my heart I knew I didn't want to raise my family there, it still didn't prepare me for the overwhelming sadness that hit.

Our life in California didn't suck. I mean, it wasn't perfect, but we weren't in a state of complete chaos. We weren't always searching for work, or having to jump from place to place. We lived in the same little house for 6 years and both Mike and I held our jobs for more then 5 years. We had a great group of friends and a really active social life. I say all this because I don't like it when people assume that we HAD to leave because our life was just SO terrible. It really wasn't. We were doing fine, and that is the problem. I didn't want to do just FINE, I wanted more then that. I felt we deserved more then that, especially considering how hard we both worked. Sure we could have stayed in the same little neighborhood, stayed at the same jobs, and done our best to get our kids through the failing school system, but what kind of life would that have given us? A life full of stress and missed opportunities. I believe that kind of life would have eventually taken a toll on Mike and I as individuals which would have eventually taken a toll on our marriage. The decision to leave wasn't leave easy, but in our hearts we knew it was right. 

So fast forward and here I am, homesick once again. Even after being here for almost 2 years, it still hits. It doesn't hit as often as it used to. Those first 6 months were the hardest. There were nights after the kids went to bed when I would just lay in bed and cry and Mike would do his best to comfort me. I miss the little things. I miss knowing where everything is and being able to get from point A to point B without unwanted detours. I miss the impromptu BBQ's with the friends. I miss the weather. I miss being able to just to go to my dads (only a 3 hour drive) on the weekends we didn't have anything else planned. I miss familiarity. Everything out here is still new. 

I want to make it clear that I love our life here. Moving here has done wonders to our family. My oldest is thriving in school. Mike has fallen in love with our new surroundings to the point where he regrets not moving sooner. Our youngest is so excited to be starting kindergarten, and I am finally at a job where the stress isn't crippling and I finally feel like I can thrive. We are a much more active family. We get out more and the quality of time we spend together has increased tremendously. I no longer feel the stress of trying to make it in Southern California. Mike no longer has a terrible work schedule and is home every weekend. We've done so well here, it motivated my family to follow us out here and our support system out here has grown. It's been a fantastic journey moving here and I do agree with Mike that we should have moved sooner.

Despite all the good this has done, I don't understand the homesickness. I don't know when this will stop. Maybe it never will. Maybe being homesick every now and again will become a part of my everyday life. It has become easier to cope with. It's nothing compared to the sadness that would hit in the beginning. I know this feeling will pass after a day or two, and I won't experience it again for a couple months. So until it passes, I'll just go home and remind myself that this is and has been for the better. I'm here in Texas now, but California still does hold a piece of my heart.